Nice Jokes…

1

A Teacher lecturing on population – In India after

Every 10 sec a

woman gives birth to a kid.

A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

2

Sardar-why r all these people running?

Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r

others running?

3

Teacher: “I killed a person” convert this sentence

into future tense.

Sardar: The future tense is “u will go to jail”.

4

Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was

not sure as to what to be filled in column “Salary

Expected”.

After much thought he wrote: Yes!

5

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant

it’s already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an

umbrella and go.

6

Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer

gave 11cr after

deducting tax. Angry Sardar: “Give me 20 cr or else

return my 20 Rs

back.

7

Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet

Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have

posted it….

8

Sardar’s wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died

peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the

passengers in the

car he was driving..

9

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible

looking thing is

what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

10

Sardar was writing something very slowly.

Friend asked:” Why r u writing so slowly?

Sardar: “I’m writing to my 6 yr old son, he can’t read very fast.

11

Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local

sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still

digging for more..

12

A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not

in the morning. Sardarji replied “Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM”.

13

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

14

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles

and lighten your burden.

Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling, But I don’t have any worries or

troubles.

Girl: Well that is because we aren’t married yet.

15

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to

give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.

16

A newly married man asked his wife, “Would you have married me if

my father hadn’t left me a fortune?” “Honey,” the woman replied Sweetly,

“I’d have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE”

17

Father to son after exam: “let me see your report card.”

Son: “My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.”

18

A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word “beans”..

My Father grows beans,” said one student. “My father cooks beans,” said

another.

Then little Johnny spoke up: “We are all human beans.”

19

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? “

Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”

Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman.

Interviewer: “What were you before you married her?”

Millionaire: “A Billionaire”

20

Its funny when people discuss over “love marriage” and “arranged marriage”

It is like asking a person if he would like to “hang himself” or “shoot himself”.

21

What is a girl friend?

Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.

22

Guide: “I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world’s largest

waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20

supersonic planes passing by can’t be heard.

Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara

Falls?”

23

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.

If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.

“Congratulations! You’re a free man. Just tell me why didn’t you jump?” asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, “Well Doc, I can’t swim!”

24

As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him,

“Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please  be careful!”

“It’s not just one car,” said Herman, “It’s hundreds of them!”

25

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

26

What’s the definition of lawyer?

The larval form of a politician

27

Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying “Parking Fine”

28

How do you recognize a Sardar in School?

He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

29

once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on          other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the

weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

30

Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar,  where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.

After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up  his mother to expect him in the evening. But  he didn’t reach in the evening  and not the next day either. “

When he finally reached home on the third day,  his distraught mother ran and asked him ” Arre Puttar, ki hoya?

(What Happened, My Son?)

31

The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, “Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, )

aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?” (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They  have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!

32

Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens .

because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died

‘But I think I know where I’m going wrong,’ said Santa, ‘I think I’m planting them too deep.’

33

2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : “Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari

nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!” Dusra dost : “Abe tu maut maang raha

hai ki Reliance mai Job.

34

Q – What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?

A – One Woman Brings U into this world crying… & the other

ensures U

Continue to do so.

35

Sardar to Shopkeeper: – Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne

Flag

Dikhaya, Sardar: – Isme aur Colour Dikhao.

36

.How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &

comes to a conclusion: I’ll drink poison n let lion eat me. O’ bolo

ta ra ra.

37

A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess

what they named them… Jo Hua, So Hua.

38

Wife : Honey …… What are You Looking for ?

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : Nothing…?? U’ve been reading our marriage certificate 4 an

hour …?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

39

Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character

thik ho jaaega…..Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya

hoga….???

40

Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki

break

fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.

41

Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying…. When a

Person asked what he was doing…. He replied… Oye!! Higher

Studies

Yaar…!!!

Don’t miss it…

Pareshaan thi Champu ki wife
Non-happening thi jo uski life
Champu ko na milta tha aaram
Office mein karta kaam hi kaam,

Champu ke boss bhi the bade cool
Promotion ko har baar jate the bhul
Par bhulte nahi the woh deadline
Kaam to karwate the roz till nine,

Champu bhi banna chata tha best
Isliye to wo nahi karta tha rest
Din raat karta wo boss ki gulami
Onsite ke ummid main deta salami,

Din guzre aur guzre fir saal
Bura hota gaya Champu ka haal
Champu ko ab kuch yaad na rehta tha
Galti se Biwi ko Behenji kehta tha,

Aakhir ek din Champu ko samjh aaya
Aur chod di usne Onsite ki moh maya
Boss se bola, “Tum kyon satate ho ?”
“Onsite ke laddu se buddu banate ho”

“Promotion do warna chala jaunga”
“Onsite dene par bhi wapis na aunga”
Boss haans ke bola “Nahi koi baat”
“Abhi aur bhi Champus hai mere paas”

“Yeh duniya Champuon se bhari hai”
“Sabko bas aage badhne ki padi hai”
“Tum na karoge to kisi aur se karunga”
“Tumhari tarah Ek aur Champu banaunga”

(WAKE UP CHAMPU…)

Bichde the woh humse ye kasam lekar…

Har saam aati hai ek gam lekar, kabhe jayada to kabhe kam lekar,  zindagi roz roz marti hai har subha ek naya gam lekar,  unki aankho mein bhi mera chehra hai hum bhi jeete hai ye vaham lekar,  mile humse to begane rahe bichde the woh humse ye kasam lekar…

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND…

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND,
IF
you have to think before you speak to me…!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND ,
IF
my presence ever makes you feel uncomfortable…!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND,
IF
you have to thank me for everything i do for you…!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND,
IF
you have to say sorry for everything
that you don’t do…!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND,
IF
you have to ask me for favors…!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND,
IF
you think i would not be curious to
know your new philosophy of life…!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND,
IF
you go by what i say and do not understand
what i don’t say…!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND,
IF
you think that listening to your dreams
would put me to sleep…!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND,
IF
you think that seeing you in pain, would
not bring a tear to me…!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND,
IF
you think I do not remember the first time
we met…!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND,
IF
you don’t see the thousand ways I try to
make you happy…!

BACHCHE MAN KE SACHCHE…

To,
The Principel
Govarment School, Patiyala,
Panjab.

Sir,
Gal E Hai Ki School wich hun Dil nai Lagda, Te Ratta Nu neend nai Aaandi Kyuki School wich kudiya Ghat rahi hai, Te Saddi Class wich ek vi ni hai, jo hai wo bhi Inni mariyal hai ki dekhan nu ji nai karda, te nakhare Asmaan pe. Madam vi koi enni khas patakha nai hai.
Kuch nai te tusi 4 kaam walian hi rakh lawo. Tainnu Bahut Dhanyawadi Howange.

Your Faithfully
All  3rd standard Students

जब् यही जीना है तो फ़िर मरना क्या है?

शहर की इस दौड़ में दौड़ के करना क्या है?
जब यही जीना है दोस्तों तो फ़िर मरना क्या है?

पहली बारिश में ट्रेन लेट होने की फ़िक्र है
भूल गये भीगते हुए टहलना क्या है?

सीरियल्स् के किर्दारों का सारा हाल है मालूम
पर माँ का हाल पूछ्ने की फ़ुर्सत कहाँ है?

अब रेत पे नंगे पाँव टहलते क्यूं नहीं?
108 हैं चैनल् फ़िर दिल बहलते क्यूं नहीं?

इन्टरनैट से दुनिया के तो टच में हैं,
लेकिन पडोस में कौन रहता है जानते तक नहीं.

मोबाइल, लैन्डलाइन सब की भरमार है,
लेकिन जिग्ररी दोस्त तक पहुँचे ऐसे तार कहाँ हैं?

कब डूबते हुए सुरज को देखा त, याद है?
कब जाना था शाम का गुज़रना क्या है?

तो दोस्तों शहर की इस दौड़ में दौड़् के करना क्या है
जब् यही जीना है तो फ़िर मरना क्या है?

Khud se badhkar duniya mein koi doosra hamsafar nahi hota…

Kyon kehte ho mere saath kush bhi behtar nahi hota,
sach toh yeh hai ki jiasa chaho waisa nahi hota.
Koi sah leta hai koi keh leta hai kyonki gam kabhi zindagi se badhkar nahi hota..
Aaj apno ne hi sikha diya hame, yahan thokar dene wala har pathar nahi hota…
Kyon zindagi ki mushkilo se hare baithe ho?
iske bina koi manzil koi safar nahi hota…
Koi tere saath nahi hai to bhi gam na kar…
Khud se badhkar duniya mein koi doosra hamsafar nahi hota…

kisi se dil nahi milta to koi dil se nahi milta..

Sab ko sabkuch nahi milta, Nadi ke har lehar ko sahil nahi milta…

Yeh dilwalo ki duniya bhi ajeeb hai..kisi se Dil nahi milta to koi Dil se nahi milta….

Life Ka Sirf Ek Hi Usool Hai..

Life Ka Sirf Ek Hi Usool Hai

Insaan Ya Toh Toot Kar Chahta Hai
Ya Phir Chahat Mein Toot Jata Hai,

Jab Toot Ke Chahe Toh Duniya Samet Leta Hai
Aur Jab Chahat Mein Toot Jaye To Bikhar Jata Hai

Toot Ke Chahey Toh Maut Ko Hara Deta Hai
Aur jab Chahat Me Toot Jaye
To Zindagi Se “HAAR”  Jata Hai…

Log kehte hai…

Log kehte hai…
Tum kyu apni mohabbat ka izhaar tumse nahi karte?
Maine kaha- jo lafzo me bayan ho jaye..
Sirf utna pyar to hum tumse nahi karte…

you hate some one….

we love our self even after doing many mistakes, then how can we hate others for their one mistake..?
Seems strange but true, think before you hate some one….

मुस्किल है अपना मेल प्रिय…

मुस्किल है अपना मेल प्रिय, ये प्यार नहीं है खेल प्रिये

तुम एम्. ऐ. फर्स्ट डिविजन हो मैं हुआ मेट्रिक फेल प्रिये
मुस्किल है अपना मेल प्रिये, ये प्यार नहीं है खेल प्रिये.

तुम फौजी अफसर की बेटी हो मैं तो किसान का बेटा हूँ
तुम रबडी खीर मलाई हो, मैं तो सत्तू सपरेटा हूँ
तुम ऐ.सी. घर में रहती हो मैं पेड़ के निचे लेटा हूँ
तुम नयी मारुती लगती हो मैं तो स्कूटर लंबरेटा हूँ

इस कदर अगर हम छुप छुप कर आपस में प्रेम बढायेंगे
तो एक रोज़ तेरे डैडी अमरीश पूरी बन जायेंगे
सब हड्डी पसली तोड़ मुझे भिजवा देंगे वो जेल प्रिये
मुस्किल है अपना मेल प्रिये, ये प्यार नहीं है खेल प्रिये.

तुम अरब देश की घोडी हो, मैं तो गधे की नाल प्रिये
तुम दिवाली की बोनस हो मैं भूखों की हड़ताल प्रिये
तुम हीरे जडी तस्तरी हो मैं एल्यूमिनियम की थाल प्रिये
तुम चिक्केन सूप बिरयानी हो मैं कंकड़ वाली दाल प्रिये
तुम हिरन चौकडी भारती हो मैं तो कछुए की चाल प्रिये
तुम चन्दन वन की लकडी हो मैं तो बबूल की चाल प्रिये
मैं पके आम सा लटका हूँ मत मार मुघे गुलेल प्रिये
मुस्किल है अपना मेल प्रिये, ये प्यार नहीं है खेल प्रिये.

मैं सनि देव जैसा कुरूप तुम कोमल कंचन काया हो
मैं तन से मन से कांशी राम तुम महा चंचला  माया हो
तुम निर्मल पवन गंगा हो, मैं जलता हुआ पतंगा हूँ
तुम राज घाट की शांति मार्च, मैं हिन्दू-मुस्लिम दंगा हूँ
तुम हो पूनम का ताजमहल, मैं काली गुफा अजंता की
तुम हो वरदान वि़धाता का, मैं गलती हूँ भगवन्ता की
तुम जेट विमान की शोभा हो, मैं बस की ठेलम ठेल  प्रिये
मुस्किल है अपना मेल प्रिये, ये प्यार नहीं है खेल प्रिये.

तुम नयी विदेशी मिक्सी हो, मैं पत्थर का सिलबट्टा हूँ
तुम ऐ.के. ४७ जैसी, मैं तो एक देशी कट्टा हूँ
तुम चतुर राबड़ी देवी सी, मैं भोला भाला लालू हूँ
तुम मुक्त शेरनी जंगल की, मैं चिडियाघर का भालू हूँ
तुम व्यस्त सोनिया गाँधी सी, मैं वी.पी. सिंह सा खाली हूँ
तुम हंसी माधुरी दिक्षित की, मैं पुलिसमैन की गाली हूँ
कल जेल अगर हो जाये मुझे, दिलवा देना तुम बेल प्रिये
मुस्किल है अपना मेल प्रिये, ये प्यार नहीं है खेल प्रिये.

मैं ढाबे के ढांचे जैसा, तुम पांच सितारा होटल हो
मैं महुए का देशी ठर्रा, तुम रेड लेवल की बोतल हों
तुम चित्रहार का मधुर गीत, मैं कृषि दर्शन की झाडी हूँ
तुम विश्व सुंदरी सी कमल, मैं तेलिया छाप कबाडी हूँ
तुम सोनी का मोबाइल हों, मैं टेलीफ़ोन वाला हूँ चोंगा
तुम मछली मानसरोवर की, मैं सागर तट का हूँ घोंघा
दस मंजिल से गिर जाऊंगा, मत आगे मुझे धकेल प्रिये
मुस्किल है अपना मेल प्रिये, ये प्यार नहीं है खेल प्रिये.

तुम सत्ता की महारानी हों, मैं विपक्ष की लाचारी हूँ
तुम ममता जयललिता हों, मैं कुआँरा अटल बिहारी हूँ
तुम तेंदुलकर की सतक प्रिये, मैं फ़ोलोआन की पारी हूँ
तुम गेट्ज, मटिज, कोरोल्ला हों, मैं लेलैंड की लौरी हूँ
रेफरी ही मुझको रहने दो, मत खेलो मुझसे खेल प्रिये
मुस्किल है अपना मेल प्रिये, ये प्यार नहीं है खेल प्रिये.

मैं सोच रहा हूँ रहे हैं कब से, श्रोता मुझको झेल प्रिये
मुस्किल है अपना मेल प्रिये, ये प्यार नहीं है खेल प्रिये..

Zindgi se hamne..

Zindgi se hamne kabhi kucch chaha hi nahin Chahajise bhi kabhi paya hi nahin Jise paya use kucch yun kho diya Jaise zindgi me kabhi koi aaya hi nahin..

Kabhi aansuon mein ghuli zindagi..

Chiraagon ki lau si jali zindagi
Ki fir na ruki jo chali zindagi

Kabhi mehfilon mein hansti hui
Kabhi tanhaiiyo mein mili zindagi

Kabhi zindagi jani pehchani si
Kabhi anchuii si kali zindagi

Kabhi zindagi dhoop bankar chubhi
Kabhi chaand si sandali zindagi

Kabhi sakht thi silwaton ki tarah
Kabhi naram aur mahkmali zindagi

Kabhi yuhi mujhse khafa ho gayi
Kabhi thi badi hi bhali zindagi

Kabhi zindagi ne hansaya
Kabhi aansuon mein ghuli zindagi..

Kabhi…

Kabhi Apni Hasi Pe Bhi Aata Hai Gussa,
Kabhi Saare Jahan Ko Hasane Kobhi Ji Chahta Hai.
Kabhi Chupa Leta Hai Gamo Ko Bhi Kisi Kone Mein Ye Dil,
Kabhi Kisi Ko Sab Kuch Sunane Ko Ji Chahta Hai..!

Kabhi Rota Nahi Mann Kisi Kimaut Par Bhi,
Kabhi Yoon Hi Aansoo Bahane Ko Ji Chahta Hai.
Kabhi Lagta Hai Acha Aakash Mein Aazad Udna,
Kabhi Kisi Bandhan Mein Bandh Jaane Ko Ji Chahta Hai..!

Kabhi Sagar Ki Lehron Se Bhi Darta Nahi Dil,
Kabhi Unhi Lehron Mein Sama Jaane Ko Ji Chahta Hai.
Kabhi Lagte Hai Apne Begane Se,
Kabhi Begano Ko Bhi Apna Banane Ko ji Chahta Hai..!

Kabhi Sharam Nahi Aati Gairon Se Bhi,
Kabhi Yoon Hi Sharmane Ko Ji Chahta Hai.
Kabhi Milta Nahi Kisi Ke Bhi Lakh Kehne Per Bhi Yeh Dil,
Kabhi Kisi Anjane Se Mil Jaane ko Ji Chahta Hai..!!

CHAND se jab mulakat hoti hai…

CHAND se jab mulakat hoti hai… Aapke bare mein unse kuch baat hoti hai… Woh kehte hai mere paas khoobsurat sitara hai… Hum kehte hain usse bhi dilkash PYAR hamara hai…

I care more than you know…

You’re in my thoughts and in my heart…
Wherever I may go…
On Valentine’s Day I’d like to say,
I care more than you know…

You are for me…

Let`s share the world.
A sea is for you, and waves are for me.
The sky is for you, and stars are for me.
The sun is for you, and light is for me.
Everything is for you, and you are for me…

I Love You..

The smallest word is I,
the sweetest word is LOVE
and the dearest person
in the world is U.
tats why I Love You..:)

Bhulaye nahi jaate…

Sabhi nagme saaz par gaaye nahi jaate, Sabhi log mehfil mein bulaaye nahi jaate, Kuch paas reh kar bhi yaad nahi aate, Kuch door reh kar bhi bhulaye nahi jaate…